Coitis In Cow Country
Yes, it is time. Time for me to suck it up and go on vacation to my hubby’s hometown in Somewhere-off-any-major-road-Missouri. *sigh* I hate going there. They live on a farm - as in cows - and it smells there. They are 2 miles from the nearest person, 35 miles from the nearest Starbucks, 45 miles from the nearest shopping center (besides Wal-Mart) and 8 hours from my beloved Chicago.
The girls in Missouri are literally barefoot and pregnant - shopping in the Piggly Wiggly. The big news in town is the new ‘Bait Machine’ placed outside Wal-Mart. All the people have 1980 mullets and ratted up bangs and tight perm hairstyles. *sigh* What comes to mind is the movie “My Cousin Vinny.” Yeah, I don’t ‘blend.’
Yes, I am definitely going to be a City Duck out of Bottled Water. Ugghhh.
So why am I going? Well, when you have kids, you have to visit the grandparents - wherever they may reside. Nursing homes, Florida, sanititariums - mine live in po-dunk Missouri in cowpie alley. I will be gone from tomorrow (Thursday) alllllll the way through Saturday the 12th. Ho hum. That is a long trip, but it is a long ride.
What is THE WORST part of my trip? No where to have sex. Oh, sure, we can have quickie shower sex or out in the barn sex - but I am accustomed to loud, wild, don’t-give-a-shit-who-hears sex. It will be hard to have coitis in cow country!
I don’t even know where exactly they live. It is all state roads. State Road G, State Road S, State Road I-don’t know-where-the-fuck-I-am. So, even if I could sneak away, I would be too lost.
Add to all this that there are snakes there. Poisonious, large, evil snakes. So, I can’t even go lay out and read in the sun.
So I will be noticeably absent as the nearest internet hot spot is 35 miles away and computers don’t run on cow dung. However, when I get back I am sure there will be plenty to write about and maybe even a good ole’ welcome home to ME sexcapade to report. We all sacrifice for our children, and I guess it is time for me to do some sacrificing!
Happy 4th of July to all! When you look into the sky seeing those beautiful fireworks, think of poor Mikayla, sitting amongst the cows in Missouri…….
July 2, 2008 at 5:50 pm
After reading this I suddenly feel better about Tennessee.
July 2, 2008 at 9:28 pm
You should stop by and visit luvbunny and me while you are out this way. ~_^
July 2, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Tennessee is beautiful! I have been there, Knoxville particularly. Lovely mountain views.
Dragonmage - where would ‘out this way’ be? If it isn’t too far, I may escape to your place…..
July 3, 2008 at 12:15 am
Amen sista. I had a similar experience in the heartland. There aren’t as many cows in Indiana, but lots and lots of corn!