Archive for September, 2008

Hey Baby, can I borrow some SUGAR???

Posted in Ponderings.... with tags , on September 19, 2008 by mikayla1

So, I may have mentioned that my new neigbors are a super hawt Lesbian couple (don’t know why I capitalize that) and they are really, really nice.  It has been interesting adjusting to having them there - kind of like a window to what could have been in my life.   I am a TOTALLY bi-sexual woman (I love women, everything about women and I had a longstanding relationship with a woman once) so…..when I see the two of them in their yard, coming and going, kissing, walking their dog holding hands, I can’t help but think……it COULD have been me with Mia (my ex girlfriend) living there.

Then, the reality hits me…I am MARRIED to a a MAN and I am happy!  Not only that, but I have two gorgeous children.  I am a ’suburban soccer MOMMY’ - wow…never would have seen my life going that way 16 years ago.  Oh well, our lives take different paths and God only knows if it is the right path but…..I think mine was for sure.

Anyhooooooo, my neighbors are pretty scarce, I barely see them.  However, this afternoon my doorbell rings and I go to answer it.  There is Miranda in a very, very, very short pair of cut-off shorts and a tank top holding a measuring cup.  She says, ‘Hi Neighbor, can I borrow some sugar???’

I stood there…literally staring at this poor woman.  Mind you, I am NOT wearing anything glamorous.  I have spaghetti-Os on my shirt from feeding my little one (or rather, helping him to feed himself), and I look like hell.  So I say, ‘oh sure, come on it’ - as if it isn’t bothering me that I look like shit and my hot lesbian neighbor is in my house.

She tells me that Rachel’s birthday is today and she was making her a surprise cake.  She apparently forgot sugar for the homemade frosting. While I go dig her up some powdered sugar, she plays with my little guy - all the while talking about how cute he is, how they want to have kids some day, how right now it is all about just ‘being together’ and someday they want kids.  Man, there was opportunity for discussion there….

She was in a hurry trying to get things finished for the surprise, so no time to talk - BUT she did invite me over for the party - but I had…of all things….a night soccer game.  Bummer, no hot lesbians for me.  However, I did assure her that I had plenty of sugar, if she ever wanted to come and borrow some more….

Leave A Comment »

My Big Redneck Fuck….

Posted in Ponderings.... with tags , on September 7, 2008 by mikayla1

DISCLAIMER:  Some of the terms or names used in this post may be ‘offensive’ to some people.  It is not meant to offend, but offer humor.  Please take everything written in the manner intended - as a humorous replay of last night’s activities.

OK, so last night my hubby and I were watching some shows stored on our TIVO.  We have gotten into watching this show called My Big Redneck Wedding.  No, really.  For those of you who have not had the joy of watching this totally hilarious ‘reality’ show, let me give you a synopsis:

Two ‘redneck’ people are getting married.  You get to meet these love birds, see where they are having their weddin’, what they are serving, what they are wearing and what they are giving as gifts.  Some examples are:  wedding dresses made of camoflage - in fact, whole wedding parties dressed in camo.  Receptions held in Flea markets, food consisting of pigs in a blanket, pigs feet and Souse (yep, the bird food). One of the best ones was where this couple had a beer can archway and the bride lost her teeth the day of the wedding.  Or, the bride who wanted mud wrestling and mattress surfing (I have actually done this, it is fun!) for her entertainment.  The fact is, these people are rednecks, tacky and I doubt that the weddings are actually real - but it makes for fun entertainment.

So, last’s night’s Redneck Country Fest was set in the picturesque state of Tennessee.  The 18 year old Groom and 19 year old Bride were made for each other.  Bottle rocket fights at the bachelor party and an at home sex toy party for the bachelorette party.  Anyway, one of my favorite parts was when the cousin of the groom fell asleep at the party and they wrote ‘boob’ on his forehead.  When he woke up, they told him he had been ‘boobed’ and he kept saying ‘boobed?’ and in this thick, redneck accent it came out “Bah-ooo- B” - it had me rolling in my seat!  “Bah-ooo-B”!  Totally hilarious!

So, after our movie watching we retired to the bedroom and were fooling around. I got naked and he was sucking on my tit.  Out of nowhere my hubby says, “I just love sucking on your Bah-ooo-Bs!  I thought I was going to pee myself!  I started laughing and laughing and laughing and couldn’t stop.  I had to sit up, go to the bathroom and pee cause I was laughing so hard I was crying!

Note to all:  if you want to have a sexy night of fucking fun, don’t recount hilarious moments from the redneck fest you were watching, it may ruin the mood.

We did end up continuuing, but unfortunately the sexiness was replaced with silliness when we both continued using our Tennessee accents to say things….

” I want to suck your ‘cA-ockkk’

“I am going fuck you up your ‘arse’

“Suck my ‘Ba-ooooo-B’ baby”

Yes-ser-ee, we had ourselves a good old-fashioned redneck fuck last night….brings all new meaning to the phrase “Git-R-Done”

 

4 Comments »